An Obi-Wan Kenobi Walks Into a Bar
by Lilygloves
Summary: As Ben Kenobi watches over Luke on Tatooine, he tries to watch over Luke's twin sister as well. And in classic Obi-Wan style, he can't go into a bar without someone getting hurt.


Ben Kenobi nodded at Wuhur as he sat down at the bar. The gruff bartender nodded back, and started to pour Ben's usual drink, two glasses of Jawa Juice. Ben took the drinks and handed Wuhur some wupiupi to pay for the drink, as well as a little extra. Ever since he started frequenting the bar, Ben had made sure to always be on friendly terms with Wuhur. He knew that anyone in the Mos Eisley Cantina, including the overly tipped bartender, would sell him out to the Empire if they ever found out just how valuable he was. Nevertheless, he thought it wiser to stay as much on Wuhur's good side as possible.

Ben started sipping the Jawa Juice, setting the second glass aside at the seat next to him. A few minutes later, a human in a green pilot jumpsuit sat down next to him and started drinking as well. "Hello, Ben."

"Hello, Dremu," Ben responded without turning his head. His pilot friend was a little rough around the edges, but so was everyone else in the cantina. Ben was actually quite thankful that he had found Dremu. There weren't many Alderaanians that visited Tatooine. It took Ben about five months to of daily visits to Mos Eisley to find anyone who did regular trades so far from the Core Worlds, and about a bantha's weight in drinks to convince her to confide news from Alderaan.

"What's new with you?" Dremu asked as she finished the last drops of the Jawa Juice.

Ben signaled Wuhur for another glass. "Well, the Hutts made a suspicious amount of money off the last podrace and the drunk Rodian in the corner was just pickpocketed by that Bith. In other words, nothing is new under the suns."

Dremu gave a snort and started on the second drink. "Too true, too true. Ben, your wit is as dry as the Jundland Wasteland."

"Well, we don't meet so I can tell you anything new about Tatooine, do we?" Obi-Wan said. He took another small sip of his drink, looking nonchalant but actually keeping close track of his intake. Although he was no longer officially a Jedi, he would never let himself lose control over his mind or body. That kind of behavior was only useful coming from people he was trying to get information out of, not when he was trying to learn information from someone else.

The pilot laughed and clapped Ben on the back. "Too true! Too true! Nothing happens on this rock, anyway. Although not much happens on Alderaan, either."

"That should make your job easy, then," said Ben.

"Too true, too true, but if it wasn't for new from Alderaan I wouldn't have your friendship," replied Dremu.

"Or my drinks," Ben pointed out.

"Too true! Too true!" Dremu laughed again and finished the second glass, this time taking it upon herself to ask Wuhur for a refill.

"Well, what is the news today from Alderaan?" Ben always had to utilize his Jedi training when he received news from Dremu about Alderaan. He wanted to appear calmer than he felt, but the reality was that he was constantly anxious. In fact, he had been anxious for the past four years.

Dremu nursed her Jawa Juice as she tried to remember everything. "Let's see… there was an avalanche in the northern mountain range…there was an accident with two swoopers, although they suspect they were drunk… and the princess celebrated her fourth birthday." She took a swig of her drink and looked over at Ben. "That's what you really want to know, anyway."

"Come on, Dremu, that's not worth three drinks."

She ran her fingers through her curly black hair and said, "Too true, too true, Ben. I don't know what to tell you, though. I can't report any news if there's no news to report."

"There must be something else you can tell me! My sister-"

"I know, Ben!" interrupted Dremu. "I'm sure your sister does a fine job as the nanny. And if she's the nanny for the royal princess, she's probably well off enough to send you messages personally. Hell if I know why you need me if your sister is working for the royal family."

"Are you complaining that I need you?" Ben asked wryly as he tried to subtly pry the glass from Dremu's hand. Aside from the fact that she was no good to him drunk, he also cared too much about his rough friend to let her get in trouble at the cantina from too much Jawa Juice. Despite his efforts, he could tell she was already getting tipsy.

"I don't know what to tell you!" Dremu repeated, in a sharper tone. "I'm sure it was a beautiful party. But you know how overprotective the Organas are with her. They didn't even release a hologram of the party. What else do you want to know?"

Ben leaned back. So Leia was still safe. She was still happy. He was thankful that Bail and Breha were so careful with Leia's publicity. It was not wise to broadcast images of the secret daughter of the most feared dictator in the galaxy, aside from the Emperor himself.

He sighed. "You're right, Dremu. Let me walk you back to your ship."

They both got up out of their seats, but as Ben was counting wupiupi to leave Wuhur, he felt a ripple in the Force. Danger. Something dark just entered the cantina. He spun around and automatically reached for his lightsaber, and then reminded himself that in order to keep his cover he could only use it in emergencies. He saw Dremu arguing with a Hutt. This would probably become an emergency.

"I gave you your money last month, Jetti!" cried Dremu in Huttese.

"Then where is it?" shot back the Hutt, poking Dremu in the chest.

"I don't know," said Dremu as she threw her hands up. "It's not my fault if you can't trust your servants. Talk to your protocol droid who was there for the exchange, not me." Dremu tried to move towards the door, but Jetti blocked her way. Dremu narrowed her dark eyes and reached toward her blaster. Ben knew he had to do something about this situation before it got messy. Or bloody.

"This little one isn't worth your trouble," he cut in smoothly.

The Hutt shifted his focus from the angry woman to the man in the dark robe standing between himself and the pilot. "Who is this? How dare you interrupt my business?" he shouted angrily. Some of the other patrons in the cantina turned to watch the action. Ben lowered his voice, "Let us come with you. We can go and talk to your servants. If they were dishonest with her, then who knows what else they are taking out of your pocket? Come; let's settle it now."

Both Ben and Dremu tried to move towards the door again, but Jetti wouldn't have it. He roared and flailed his arms in an attempt to hit both Dremu and Ben simultaneously. Instead of making contact with two humans, however, his arms hit a glowing blue sword. Both appendages fell to the ground. The Hutt howled loudly in pain. He reared, throwing his weight against the back of his slug-like body, trying to rise and fall on the attacker. The heaviness of the Hutt's body would crush most creatures in a flash. Dremu tried to back up. Ben brandished his lightsaber. Both Jetti's sides flopped to the floor. Ben had completely sliced The Hutt's body in half.

Ben and Dremu looked on in repulsion at the slimy slices of the Hutt, as did most of the patrons of the cantina.

"Disgusting," muttered Ben under his breath.

Dremu was trying not to look. "Too true, too true."

Ben tossed Wuhur the last of his wupiupi to make up for the mess. He looked at Dremu. "I think we need to find another bar."


End file.
